A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
