i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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