i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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