is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
