If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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