I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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