Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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