did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
