Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
