I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you inspire me to be a worse person
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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