May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
