she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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