only if we run a train.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?