My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn