Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.