I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha