I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed