rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.