I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb