Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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