my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
