So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
