she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
