I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
