I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize