I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
