i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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