i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
