yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's blow job season.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
