that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
