im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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