so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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