I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
