I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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