I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
