i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
