Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
