On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
