drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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