God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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