He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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