I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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