my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize