omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
