Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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