Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
