New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
