Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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