So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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