I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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