No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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