Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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