Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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