woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
