Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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