I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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