This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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