sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He has the fingertips of a God
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