let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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