when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
