He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
