i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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