we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize