i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
