I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was born a porn star she said
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
