I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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