I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
