One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
