This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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